wednesday: (adverb) the day of the week between tuesday and thursday; origin: middle english

Today is Ash Wednesday. I haven’t gone to an Ash Wednesday service in several years. Which, lots of people find shocking considering that I work for quite a large church with lots of services.

I haven’t gone because finding a balance between working for the church and being part of the church has been almost impossible for me. Impossible because they don’t have to be two separate things. But they do. Or else I might lose my sanity.

I haven’t gone because the church hurt me.

I haven’t gone because I haven’t been ready to truly love the church even in its messiness.

And by church, I mean the people.

I haven’t gone because I haven’t been ready to be an Easter person.

And by Easter person, I mean someone who is willing to forgive and live in the new life of Christ.

I haven’t gone because I wasn’t ready to let go and let the death usher in new life.

So, this Lent, I’m letting go and letting the death of the old wash over me so I can wipe it off and rejoice in new life.

So, I’m going to Ash Wednesday service. At work. At church. And I’m going to let the pastor smear those ashes all over my face. Because I’m ready for some resurrection. And it can’t get here fast enough.

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